* HAPPIENESS, n : An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
* HATRED: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
* IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.
* DELIBORATION, n.  The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
* DAY, n.  A period of time of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
* BIRTH, n.  The first and direst of all disasters.
* LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.
* MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
* LOGIC, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
another.
* YEAR n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
* LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
* APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence
* OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.